So let’s assume the imaginary food court has room for 10 businesses. Here’s my list:
Roli Boli- For those of you not familiar with this chain that no longer exists, a boli consisted of soft baked dough that’s wrapped around various meats and cheeses baked to perfection. It’s similar to Stuff Yer Face only around 1000x better. I have no idea why this franchise failed. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the result of some conspiracy involving every other major food corporation that was afraid of Roli Boli’s eventual global domination.
KFC- This would fulfill the fried chicken requirement perfectly. I’m still a fan of the good old original recipe. I’ll go with the 7-piece dark meat bucket every time.
Pizza Hut- Walking into one of those KFC/Pizza Hut combo restaurants reminds me of entering a surprise party and seeing important people in your life that you’d never expect to be in the same room. Similarly, there’s a party in my mouth whenever I can combine Pizza Hut and KFC.
(Note on the picture: 16 exits separating these two restaurants is a crime against humanity.)
Turkey and Salad Express- For the rare times I feel guilty about what
I’ve been eating. In order to pass up the opportunity of eating any of the previous choices, I’d have to feel VERY guilty. I’d ruin it anyway by getting extra bleu cheese on my salad or a ton of mayo on my sandwich.
McDonald’s- McDonald’s is like an audible in football. It’s never my first choice, but I like knowing it is there in case I’m not in the mood for anything else.
Auntie Anne’s Pretzels- Sometimes I’ll torture myself and walk by an Auntie Anne’s knowing that I’m not going to be buying a pretzel. Do you eat your pretzels plain? I always get the honey mustard dipping. Then I’ll challenge myself by trying to walk around the mall with the pretzel, dip, and soda.
Baskin Robbins- Any chocolate-serving business will suffice here.
Quickly rounding out my list of 10:
Subway
White Castle
Sbarro
I’m sure I’m leaving out some great choices. I’m not a big Asian cuisine guy, so that’s why there’s no Panda Express on here. What would your list include?
How's the diet going?
ReplyDeleteMitchell, your list is absurd. Here it is:
ReplyDeleteTaco Bell: You neglected our friends across the border and the head honcho of fast food.
Burger King: If you are going into the burger realm, why not go with the best
Sbarro's: It's a staple of any food court and the closest of any chain to a real pizza place.
Chinese restaurant: name is irrelevant, anyplace that has General Tso's will suffice.
Subway: This is the "I feel guilty about being a slob" eatery, not Tossed Salad Express.
Dunkin Donuts: Hey, I need a coffee to stay awake while my wife tries on shit at Old Navy
Aunt Annies: For when I feel like a complete piece of shit and want to top off the other 2,600 calories with supplemental dough, cheese sauce, and grease.
Sorry I'm cursing on your new blog Mitchell.
This would unfortunately be a weak food court. I don't see any restaurant on your list that would satisfy your pork chop fetish, first off. Second, you picked the wrong chicken place. KFC? They pale in comparison to Popeye's. Better chicken (spicy!) PLUS a far better biscuit! No competition.
ReplyDeleteAnd did you just include both Pizza Hut AND Sbarro? Were you in the mood for pizza as you were typing?
Mr. anonymous pointed out your very obvious miss of Taco Bell, which I am well aware of how few times you have had the opportunity to enjoy such culinary brilliance in your life.
And what happened to Wendy's? I know that was part of your list when we first talked.
Yes, I am not a big Taco Bell fan. Although I have to admit that I can imagine a time down the road when I want to give it another try and I'll be pleasantly surprised. I like Sbarro's for their non-pizza items. Their chicken dishes are surprisingly very good.
ReplyDelete